APH  Short Stories
by Shadow Typhoon
Summary: Ever read some funny thing on the news about the Nations, and laughed because of Hetalia? Well, here we have it! Hetalia - Random Short Stories from real life!
1. Denmark ponders: Russia is a bully

_Hello, this is Shadow Typhoon! I´m back, though with APH instead of Bleach this time, even though I am considering continuing "Hidden Memories". _

_This story is actually small short – stories, with inspiration from everyday life/news. I was also rather inspired by SATW by Humon, whom also draws personified nations. But compared with Humaruya, Humon draws "more" truth about the nations than Himaruya. That is why I came up with this idea. Why not do the same with APH? _

_So let me present: APH – the life of Nations. And just a side-note. Since I´m from Denmark, most stories will probably be about him… though more about his interaction with others than just himself! Of course, if I hear something funny about other nations, I will write about them, and therefore not just about Denmark. _

_So for this first story, we have Denmark and Russia! Tadaa! :D_

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><p>Denmark ponders – Russia is a Bully<p>

Denmark was sitting at the World Meeting, pretty bored. He sighed and flicked his nose. He yawned and his small hat was dangerously close to falling off, but loyally stuck to his head. He looked around, and sighed again. The Kingdom of Denmark thought a couple of days back.

D. 26/04-11 Russia had decided to visit him, along with Vladimir Putin. Prime Minister (the highest title in Denmark) Lars Løkke Rasmussen had prepared everything, and he and Putin held an official speech- thingy meeting. Denmark himself had been sitting in the corner of the room along with Russia, hidden from the reporters whom were taking pictures and talking with the Prime Ministers of Denmark and Russia (Putin is only Prime Minister, not President, so Rasmussen has the higher rank, even though they are both Prime Ministers).

The reason Kongeriget Danmark had been thinking of this event was because of the comments afterwards. The Russian "Bear" had been called the Bully in the Class. It was the former Foreign Minister of Denmark, who had said this. He had commented, that every class had had a bully, big, strong and a bit slow on the uptake, whom everyone was afraid of, since he could beat people up. Therefore everyone was nice to him, to avoid violence.

Denmark observed Russia for a while, and decided that it was very true. The Baltic's were cowering in fear and everyone else was wary of him. Russia had his metal pipe with him, along with his creepy childlike smile. Even America made sure that he didn´t get on the bad side of Russia, remembering the Cold War. Denmark had almost always been on the "good side", since his and Russia´s history went way back. Heck, if some sources were correct, he was Russia´s father. The founder of Russia/Kievan Rus, was a merchant/Viking (different sources) from the people of Rus, which consisted of Norse Tribes. And Rurik, the founder, was rumored to be Danish. This would make him, Denmark, the father of Russia, or in Danish: Rusland, the Land of Rus.

But back to the topic on hand. Russia was a bully. Oh yes, definitely. Oh crap, Russia had seen him! Look elsewhere, oh, the table is pretty nice in here… okay, the danger was no more, phew. No "Oh Denmark, become one with me, da" this time.

Every class needed a bully, and Russia was the bully of the Nations. Such was life… and perhaps he should stop philosophize about life now. Denmark was pretty intelligent, but preferred to let others think, that he was an idiot. Life was so much easier that way. So no more deep thinking! Denmark hadn´t done or said anything rowdy for a while now. Oh, Norway looked bored. Better change that!

"Hey Norge!"

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><p><em>Hope you enjoyed the first part of many! Please review and comment! Questions are fine too! <em>

_So, have sweet dreams with no Italy jumping on you yelling Pasta… or if you´re into that have sweet dreams about Italy then._

_Sayonara_

_Shadow Typhoon. _


	2. Bacon, marmite and other strange topics

_Here we go again. Another nice chapter, though this one is a bit random. Hope you enjoy it. Oh, and by the way, it's Denmark's birthday today! Yay!_

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><p>England, as we all know him, always wanted to be as independent as possible. He is a former empire; he had been ruling ¼ of the earth, after all. So buying bacon from Nederland and Denmark always annoyed him much. British breakfast is always with bacon and egg, so he had to import the bacon, since he didn't have that much himself. Most of the imported bacon actually went to the military.<p>

This led England, Britain, to figure out a way to stop this importation of bacon. And finally, after many years of research, his scientists finally found a way to make good bacon of the female pigs, so now he could stop his import of bacon.

But sadly this led to consequences. Denmark, that bloody moron, wanted revenge. Since, as that idiot had said it himself: "I'm not gonna lose millions of kroners to the little kid, I used to bully when I was younger and a Viking.

So now Denmark had banned his Marmite. Wanker! And this again led to an unfortunate confrontation at the World Meeting. England was sitting at the end of the table, lightly chatting with Germany, one of the few other nations who took the World Meetings seriously.

Denmark had been chatting with America, when England and his eyes found each other. England saw Denmark bristling and he himself held himself straighter. He would surely come out as the victor in the upcoming fight! England braced himself and opened his mouth…

BAM!

He quickly looked for the source of the loud sound and was surprised to see Iceland, covering his mouth which has suddenly started smoking.

"Schieße" Germany said. "Another volcano eruption."

This immediately put an end to the upcoming fight. Now he could watch how Denmark had run over the Iceland's side, and tried to help him, along with Norway.

"Damn, Denmark can make some good barbeque" America commented. England looked over at the American git, who was gobbling on a burger.

"What in the world do you mean by that, lad?" England asked cautiously.

England had experienced a barbeque with America, which ended up horribly. They had both agreed to never talk about that incident again.

"Hm? Oh. We all know that Denmark is the best chief in the world. And now he is also the best at making barbeque. Just saying, that dude can make some serious barbeque-sauce."

"Honhonhon." France said as he appeared. "He even beat me, the nation of amour and Française cuisine".

England turned away from the two of them, not wanting to end up in a strange argument like last time, about stockings and the 12.000 people in England getting hurt by trying to get into them, and ended up face to face with Switzerland.

England bristled again and glared at the other nation, who glared back. The latest football match between the two of them had ended up 2:2, so now there was some tension between them.

When England turned back to look at France and America, he saw that France and Denmark was arguing about boxing, of all things. Apparently Denmark's boxer, Kessler the Viking Warrior, had won over Frances Bouadla.

England sighed. This Meeting, though a bit random, was just like all the other World Meetings. Nothing was done or concluded, and everyone argued over crazy topics.

"Hey Jerk! You better acknowledge me as a nation" Sealand screamed into England's face, and so the meeting continued.

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><p><em>And here we are again. Hope you liked the chapter.<em>

_The bacon thing and the marmite is real and quite funny. Check it out. The latest World Champ Chief is Danish, and the best team in the world to make barbeque are Danish as well. The first team not American to win, actually. The Danish boxer Mikkel Kessler just won over the french guy, last night actually. He is a former World Champ, and is rising again! I was just watching tv, when they showed the UEFA European Football Championship, which in Denmark is just shortened to EM. _

_I would like people to, when and if you review, that if you read or see something funny, to write me, so that I perhaps can use it for the next chapters. Thanks._

_Until next time, have sweet dreams._

_Sayonara _

_Shadow Typhoon _


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